YELLS OKAY can i request a Soft Jonmartin thing (bc you're so great at them) with a one-word prompt... take your pick from either a) Flowers, b) Rain, or c) Waltz gjlkfhj any one of these is fine!!
i will never be over the fact that during first contact a human offered their hand to a vulcan and the vulcan was just like “wow humans are fucking wild” and took it
Humanity’s first contact with Vulcans was some guy going “I’m down to fuck.”
Vulcans’ first contact with Humans was an emphatic “Sure.”
“sir…these…these humans…they greet each other by…” *glances around before furtively whispering* “by clasping hands…”
*prolonged silence* “oh my…”
“sir…sir how will we make first contact with them? surely we…we cannot refuse this handclasping ritual, they will take it as an insult, but what vulcan would agree to such a distasteful and uncomfortable ritual??”
*several pensive moments later* “contact the vulcan high command and tell them to send us kuvak. i once saw that crazy son of a bitch arm wrestle a klingon, he’ll put his hands on anything”
Elsewhere, w/ kuvak: “….my day has come.”
The vulcan who made first contact with humans is named Solkar guys. Y’all just be makin’ up names for characters that already have names.
Bonus: here’s a screencap of Solkar doing the “my body is ready” pose right before he shakes Zefram Cochrane’s hand:
I swear Vulcans only come in two types and they are “distant xenophobes” or “horny on main for humanity”. Also apparently this guy is Spock’s great-grandfather and frankly that explains everything.
Hey so I looked into this at one point and that handshake literally created a lifelong telepathic bond between the two of them, and basically all of Solkar’s descendants were later obsessed with humans, including freaking SPOCK, so I’m not saying that handshake was so gay and good that it created an intergenerational telepathic bond between Solkar’s descendants and humans, but I’m also not….not….saying that.
The slow deliberation with which Solkar takes Cockrane’s–I’m sorry, Cochrane’s–hand… The sheer sensuality witch which Solkar infuses an otherwise borderline impersonal social ritual… It clearly shows a very conscious knowledge, on Solkar’s part, of what the significance of the handshake is in Vulcan terms and of how affected he is by it.
That’s why he’s so slow in doing it, and so sensual. A part of Solkar can’t believe this is happening, despite it being a perfectly logical thing to expect from a human, and the rest of him can’t believe how good it is.
I bet that if the camera zoomed in any further we would see the dilation of Solkar’s pupils and a quickly-repressed shiver of delight. Cochrane’s firm, businesslike clasp is probably (in sexual terms) being perceived as a deliciously carnal display of dominance.
No wonder Solkar is all like, “TAKE ME, YOU WILD-MANNERED BARBARIAN WITH ENTICINGLY ROUGH CALLUSES.”
And so we find out that yes, there is such a thing as bottoming in Pon-farr.
Every time this post comes round my dash, it just gets better.
Some Vulcan: we could probably just explain that handshakes are intimate in our culture
Solkar, rubbing lip gloss on his hand: don’t tell me how to do my job
This is my favourite Star Trek post, complete with headcanons, corrections, the truth coming out of her well to shame Spock even. Seriously perfect fandom work.
how many people could be working on actual problems in the world instead of being forced to do jobs that they are over-qualified for just because they dont want to go homeless and starve?
climate change is threatening to kill us and people with biology degrees are working at starbucks if they didn’t get lucky in the nepotism department.
capitalism is possibly the least efficient way to allocate work.
You love art–have spent your entire childhood developing a style people love and appreciate? you could possibly work to improve the lives of millions with your beautiful creations?
sorry you need to work 12 hours a day at a walmart that doesn’t need you while some billionaire who took a painting class once sells some ugly bullshit for 3.5 million.
Millions of people want to be doctors but can’t afford medical school, it is a well known fact we don’t have enough doctors for the demand. hmm wow real efficient capitalism.
“I am, somehow, less interested in the weight and convolutions of
Einstein’s brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent
have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops.” - Stephen Jay Gould
Roomba literally just sitting in a tub of water while Pepe holds down her towel.
You… called a cat Roomba?????
Yeah my boss forgot that I’m banned from naming cats. Roomba is blind and beeps a lot so she just kinda moves along until she hits a wall. She also grooms any cat she bumps into.
Op why are you banned from naming cats? Cuz naming that sweet little baby Roomba is fucking accurate af and hella cute
I have been banned SEVERAL times.
1. i named a cat Potato.
i don’t see a reason to explain why i named him that.
2. i named my three-footed kitten Yardstick
3. i named this kitten Kickstand. His leg was permanently stuck in that position, like a bike’s kickstand. i mean, it was until it got amputated.
4. I named a kitten with many toes Terry Toetopolis. also featuring Kickstand again.
5. i called a kitten ‘bastard’ so many times that it was the only one he’d respond to. in my defense, he was 100% bastard.
6. a coworker and i had a game going to see how many kittens and cats we could name after harry potter characters before we were caught. (7. the answer is 7. ‘Hedwig’ is the name that got us caught)
i think that’s it, but i might be forgetting a few incidences.
